A Boring Word Like Sad

Sad is a boring word. It doesn't do justice to the millions of complex feelings that underlie it. Like loss. Or acceptance. Or futility. But sometimes it's all just too much, and there is just no other way to describe how you feel - other than with a boring word like sad.

On Nostalgia

"Nostalgia. It’s delicate, but potent.
In Greek, Nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.
It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone.
This device isn’t a spaceship - it’s a time machine.
It goes backwards, forwards.
It takes us to a place where we ache to go again."
- Mad Men

This is one of the truest, and most sublime quotes I've read in some time. It really speaks to me this morning as I reflect on the past. The older I get, the more nostalgic I seem to become, and it comforts me to know that I might not be alone in it.

I've noticed that there are fewer truly new, blank-slate experiences in my daily life. As the routine events and changes of life become more familiar, they become more and more loaded with meaning. A sunny day, the wind picking up in a certain direction in my neighborhood, the smell of the Bay in the fog, all of these sensual experiences are not unique occurrences, and more and more frequently these experiences leave me momentarily frozen, lost in the past.

This morning, it was the way the sun was so bright through the cold air, a telling sign that by midday it would be warm. All at once memories - of getting up early for coffee before senior ditch day, of early morning St. Patrick's Day drink-a-thons with my best friends, of summer road trips beginning at the crack of dawn, of waiting for the early train to go to the City - came rushing into my head as I waited for the car to warm up. Momentarily I was visiting lost events from the past, completely forgetting the moment I was actually in.

I used to get sad when I felt the twinge of nostalgia, but as I've gotten older, I've begun to embrace it as a way of appreciating where I've been, and recognizing past experiences for their appropriate influence on my future. It makes me wonder what it's going to be like when I'm old, and I've truly seen it all. When every odd weather combination, every sunset, every smell, and most of the songs are familiar to me, forgotten and remembered again throughout the years of my life. Will it be comforting, reminding me of a full life well lived? Or will it still bring on that strange twinge that comes when remembering treasures so long gone?

I am at least encouraged by this thought - that every day I'm alive, I'm creating the memories that could bring me peace in my old age. It reminds me to make every day count, because one day, these memories could be my most precious possession. And nostalgia, no longer a delicate and potent pain, my fondest and most familiar friend.

Underrated Activities - Pt 1.

I know I can be a movement-driven, experience junkie. I love this (obviously) - I think it's one of the best ways to get through life. However, the flip side is that I frequently forget to take time to appreciate the subtleties of life, or find the joy balance. To correct this tendency, I am creating this segment - Underrated Activities. Hopefully, this will help me to force myself to slow down when needed, and encourage me to find value in thine little things.

This weekend, I spent Friday night alone. Totally alone.

It was the first time since November that I've had an opportunity to do so, and it was absolutely amazing. (BTW, the "alone time" is not the underrated activity here. I think everyone knows that that's amazing.)

By 8pm, I had made dinner, walked the dog, worked out, taken a shower, smoked a bowl, and was pretty much through the few unwatched items in my DVR. I suddenly got the urge to check out the local Barnes and Nobel. I was there on a mission over the holidays, but hadn't gone to a book store alone to "hang out" in . . . quite possibly years.

I always forget that a book store is not really properly titled. Yes, you purchase books, but what you're really buying is knowledge. And that's pretty awesome. In the two hours I was there, I caught up on all the recent magazine covers, memorized 2 recipes to make at my engagement party, learned how to make my own cocktail napkins, read about 20 pages in a child psychology book, and researched British castles. All for free.

Side note: If I had been in a splurgy mood I would have bought a red velvet cupcake. Mmmmm.

I imagine there are a ton of other 20-something professionals who never make time for things like the bookstore, or the public library. What a mistake! And what a mistake I had been making!

So - if you're looking for something fun, free, and rejuvenating, smoke a fat bowl (or not) and head on out the nearest bookstore. You're welcome.