Three Barriers to Freedom

Fear. Attachment. Expectations.

After much thought and internal debate, I've decided that these are three of the biggest barriers to adventure, change, and everything else I yearn for while sitting at my cube, dreaming about the places I'd rather be. Three nouns that are somehow inextricable from the human experience while being detrimental to it at the same time.

Fear is a no-brainer. It’s the affliction I suffer from the most, and it can be absolutely paralyzing. Fear comes in all forms - whether it's fear that my dreams/goals are unrealistic, or fear that I'll look like an idiot. Fear that my logic is wrong. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear that I can’t have it all. That by the time I arrive, the destination will no longer be where I wanted to go.

While fear is easy to recognize as unproductive and unhelpful, attachment, on the other hand, can serve as both a blessing and a curse. For example, when I was planning my trip to Europe, I originally planned to quit my job, and spend 3 months (maybe more) traveling the other side of the world. Since then, the economy tanked, and quitting has become a luxury I can't afford. Because of this attachment, I realized I couldn't possibly get away for more than 2 months, and the leave/return dates must be set in stone. I can't help it - I am attached to my job.

While that is somewhat of an unfortunate attachment, there are things I've chosen to love, and chosen to be attached to, like DBo, or my current neighborhood, or my car, or my dog and cat. Things I can't live without. While I love having all these things in my life, my need to keep them around sometimes makes it a lot harder for me to look inside my own head, and pursue the potential reality independent of it all. It seems like, the more you love, the smaller your world can become. I guess in that situation all you can do is hope that your world becomes richer.

The last roadblock - my own expectations - can be the most nefarious of the three. This idea that things will be a "certain way" can easily stop you from embracing new things or exploring life - I mean, why bother if you already know what the outcome will be. I can't remember how many times I've seen people give up on something far too soon with the excuse that "it wouldn't work out" anyway. When a projection of your own expectations stops you from trying something new, you'll live a life that never reaches it's full potential.

I wouldn't be lying if I said I thought fear, attachments, and expectations were ALL bad - I suppose there is such a thing as healthy fear . . . the kind that stops you from gambling your life away. There are the attachments we love, our friends, family, pets. And then there are the expectations that help people navigate through unfamiliar situations. The trick is to find the balance, and not let these things dictate life any more than they need to. But that's hard to do, and sometimes I wonder if I've figured it out yet.

And That's How You Know You're High

Is it weird to be tripped out about the fact that if I live long enough, I will no longer own my favorite pair of shoes? And not only will I not own them, I will have no recollection of owning them, and won't remember to miss them.

It's as if we live a million life times within our time on earth, and all of them are filled with different friends, different thoughts, different hopes, different goals, different dreams, and different shoes.

If You're Gonna be a Dick, Learn to Spell

What is the best way to lose an online argument? Misspell common words and use bad grammar.

I can not believe how many people try to get in fights with me (or with others) online, and don't double-check their punctuation, check the caps on their proper nouns, and use the right form of their, there, and they're. Don't these people know that if you're too dumb to write, you're too dumb to win an argument? At least in the eyes of the opposition.

I know not everyone was an English major, and not everyone gives a shit about the rules of the pen, but if someone can dismiss your entire argument with a "well, this person is clearly uneducated" then you're not going to be a very successful douchebag, and should probably do your best to stay out of most intellectual, political, religious, and other arguments online.

Just a suggestion.

If You're Gonna Do It, Do It Right

I got in an argument yesterday with my soon to be mother-in-law about the presence of old people at my wedding. It's not an issue on my side, I just have 2 grandmas to invite - other than that, my "family" consists of less than 10 people. On the other hand, DBo's Dad has 10 aunts + their husbands who are all over the age of 80, and apparently we "need" to include them and their old friends and family at the wedding. Oh - and apparently we shouldn't worry too much about having cool food because there will be a million old people there who won't appreciate it anyway. And we want to make sure our music choices appeal to the generations, cause they're all gonna be there. At that point, I had to resist the urge to puke in my mouth.

Here's something you should know about me. I am terrified of old people. Except for ones I know well, like Grandma P, my own grandma, and . . . well . . . that's about it.

Absolutely terrifying.

Old people smell funny, they don't know how to have fun, they still bitch about Kennedy, Ford, and Carter, they're often racist, they don't get my humor, they're shocked by anything current, they don't dance, you can't tell them anything, and, in a lot of ways, they just remind me of the inevitability of death. I don't want to be thinking about hip replacements, and caretakers, and lack of taste-buds, and widow-hood at my wedding. I want lights and beauty and friends and laughing and dancing and fun. Otherwise, what's the point?

I bitched about all of this to DBo, and he was totally awesome in reminding me that we have only been engaged for 3 weeks now, that we shouldn't be thinking about anything other than finding a location we like, and don't I have a Europe trip I should be planning instead of worrying about all this shit?

Very true, I just always envisioned my wedding being the best kick-ass party of the year, and I don't want to be reined into having this traditional, all-family-must-be-present event. I want to have the sort of wedding with the sort of guests who appreciate a wine pairing, know awesome music when they hear it, can taste awesome food when it's in front of them, and would love to get an invitation like this.

It's Not You, It's Them. Really. It's Them.

I am continually surprised by how poorly NBC does in the ratings, when they have some of the best shows on TV. All I can conclude is that there are a lot of idiots out there who don't appreciate a good thing unless it hits them over the head, shoves them into a bag, locks them into a trunk, and drives them into the river. Until then, they'll stick to Fox thanks.

NBC offers the following:

The Office:



30Rock:



Parks and Rec:



Community:



And the cherry on the top -



Conan O'Brien.

How can a line up like this fail?!

It just kills me to see Fox killing NBC week after week when Fox is obviously controlled by special interests during the day, and then offers tired, stereotypical programming that takes little risk in the evening (think American Idol.)

Even people who have been made rich by Fox knows they suck.

Fat Al's European Adventure - All Systems Are Go!

I started this blog around one central idea - living life to the fullest in an attempt to figure it out. With that in mind, I committed to making my long standing dream of European travel a reality.

Within a couple of weeks of making that commitment to myself, God, and the other 2 readers of this blog, I got engaged, and my world was temporarily occupied with Northern California Brides, engagement party planning, champagne-filled family gatherings, and a roller coaster of excitement and self doubt.

On Monday, I hit the 6 month count down until my mentally scheduled departure date and realized I was spending more time thinking about locations and dresses than I was about the immediate task at hand - getting my ass to Europe.

So - last night - I made it official. I tied the knot - so to speak - with my online travel agent, STA.com. (I link to the site with the hopes you will plan your own destination.)

Ready or Not - I'm coming to Europe! August 1st, 2010, I will arrive at Heathrow airport, and it will be my job to keep myself alive till I leave from Paris on September 30, 2010.



My future mother-in-law has asked me, "Why not go for your Honeymoon?" "Why not wait until after the wedding?" and thankfully, those comments only strengthened my resolve.

Getting engaged, and being "married" is a learning experience in and of itself, I'm sure, but there is something so much more exhilarating in the lessons you learn on your own.

Bad Things I Do That Cause Me No Guilt Pt. 5

I wear jeans when it's NOT Casual Friday. *Gasp!*

This is something I REALLY don't feel bad about. I work in Silicon Valley. I don't talk to customers. I spend most of my time on a computer.

Most importantly, does this look like the cube of someone in a suit? I don't think so.