Let My Boobies Go

In DBo's family, the tendency is to be super thin with a moderate rack. I mean, that's cool with me, I'm not one to hate on the fortune of others. I'm not particularly thin myself - I mean, I work at it, I'm fit, but I would say I am more of the "boobs-and-ass" variety than the "twig" variety. And that's generally cool with me too.

What bothers me, is that because I am curvy and they are not, I have been consistently held to a higher standard of prudish dressing than the women in DBo's family.

Whenever I wear something that is remotely cleavage-y, or a teensy bit shorter than normal, I get the same death stare I’d expect to receive if I walked in wearing stripper heels and a strap-on.

On the other hand, DBo’s sister is constantly prancing around in teeny rolled-down shorts (like she’s 13 and trying to impress a boy in PE class) spaghetti-strapped midriffs that seem to say ‘Yeah I’m slutty, who cares?” and dresses from Forever 21 that look more like slips than something one would reasonably leave the house in.

Yet somehow, this is all passable, because she’s a twig. And yes, she looks good in her outfits, but there is no way in hell I would get away with some of the shit she wears. (Proof: I have been pulled aside at family parties for wearing a v-neck.)

I decided to try and get around this issue this weekend at my engagement party, where I chose a somewhat tight/boob-a-licious Band-Aid dress.

In reality, it's the opposite of scandalous, but it shows a bit of tit. So in the eyes of the fam, it might as well be a thong.

I was super excited to wear this dress out, and spent the week before the party tanning, working out, and getting the necessary waxes. However, when I showed up on Saturday night, I saw DBo's sister in a conservative flowy dress, and his mom was in an age-appropriate skirt. Of course, I started feeling insanely self-conscious. And of course, as expected I got the surprised look from his mom that says, “You’re really wearing that!”

Long story short, I spent the first hour of the party pulling the hemline down and the neckline up, and it wasn’t until I had a couple of Flaming Dr Peppers that I began to feel like myself, and stopped giving a shit. I ended up getting quite a few compliments, a few that I didn’t hear about until after the party, and, I suppose that all-in-all it was a good outfit choice for a party that’s all about me.

What’s amazing to me though, is just how much the judgment of thin girls can turn me into an insecure wall-flower. The first hour, I was ashamed to be in pictures, I couldn't make eye contact, and I didn't feel like talking to anyone. It makes me sad that I try so hard to please people who don’t seem to understand that there are only a few years where you can wear crazy red dresses and not be called a “Cougar” or a “Home-wrecker” or a flat out "Slut" and that you need to take advantage of them.

I mostly hate the fact that I apparently need to have a minimalist body type to be able to wear what I want around my future family. Unless I develop an allergic reaction to food or boobs in the near future, this is a problem I don't see going away . . . . and I have no clue how to A. shut them up, or B. make myself stop caring. Fuck'n sucks.

Stony Ponderings from Talk Radio

I feel like I’ve been hearing a lot of anti-girl propaganda lately, mostly through the tv, radio, and advertisements I read. (The fact that I notice that sort of thing and am mildly bothered by it always makes me wonder if I’ve been brainwashed by a gender studies class or something.) Really though, it’s sort of taboo now-a-days to worry about being treated unfairly as a woman, lest you be labeled a “feminist” by the wrong people, or annoy people who don’t give 2 shits about the issue anyway.

But then, I don’t think equal legality is really the problem most of us deal with today, it’s more of a problem with perception.

Common example – women’s sports are pointless unless someone is naked.

I’m sure that is probably offensive to the women who put just as much work into sports as the men do, but then I am also sure that that opinion is pretty universal, at least for most people I talk to who are not female athletes.

Perfect example - when Stanford College Women’s bball (totally the local college) made it to the final 8 and the chick from Live 105 was talking about it, she was totally shut down by the guys on the show who immediately ran a poll to see if people cared about girls’ sports. When Stanford girls made the final 4 – no mention of it the next day in Ravie’s Sports Update. Sad.

Though I can recognize this low moment for women’s athletics, I have to say that I am not really interested in sports, naked or clothed. So, I'm the wrong person to argue that issue.

In my own life, I think that I am treated as an intelligent being and unhindered from most endeavors in spite of the boobs and the vagina. However, I also think the semi-misogynistic undercurrent in a lot of media DOES exist in more ways than one, and I think it gives lot of women (and if I am going to be totally fair, a lot of men) the idea that there is a defined role for them in society before they even give things a go, or tells them that “normal” men and women are a certain way. And I am not a fan of that at all.

For example, today, I was in my car driving to work, smoking some herb, and I was listening to Live 105 (the anti-girls sports station). For some reason (and I’ve noticed this in both San Luis Obispo, and now in the bay area) rock stations are super conservative, super biased towards men, and super anti-me – even though I am positive I am not the only liberal/girl/stoner chick that listens to alternative/rock on the radio and likes hilarious convo in the morning.

Unfortunately, this is pretty much an example of what you hear in between songs for a lot of the day:

Commercial one:

A Kragen Auto Parts commercial led by some toolish guy instructing a toolish sounding crew of guys that “If we can lift the toilet seat, she can put it down!” and “I refuse to eat Chick Food” (like chocolate?)

Of course, the last cheer - “Real Men buy auto parts from Kragen!”

Commercial two:

Two fun-loving guys talking about going to the Cochella concert, and then the girlfriend gets in the way and says no, so they have to settle for hearing it Live from the Blue Room (what the commercial was actually for.) Of course, the commercial ends with the girlfriend’s voice yelling at the poor guy to pick up his stuff (that’s a reeeal common theme in commercials – the idea of the nagging girlfriend ruining things for the fun-loving guy and his crazy crew.)

End of Commercials:

Morning Show comes back on – hosts talking about how all they want in a phone-screener is a hot chick- and how they don’t care if she’s smart, because no hot chicks are smart, only good for 1 thing, yada yada yada . . .

ok, I zoned out for a bit after that. Really though, if I paid attention while listening to the radio, I would be offended a million times a day. But then I am good at tuning things out.

Call me crazy, whether its unintentionally or pretty insidiously, I think there are still a lot of ads, shows, etc. that perpetuate the ideas that girls are lame - it sucks to be lame. Really, that is my beef with the whole thing - I'm a girl, does that mean I am automatically lamed! Why does my gender have to be the one singled out for lameness just because people want to sell shit to guys?

Lunch break over - no conclusions drawn. Damn.