How All Good Things Seem To End

Whether I want them to or not.

Sometimes I just have to wonder about the stability of my interactions with others. Things never seem to get this bad with the people that don't matter to me, but I'm always having these explosive blow-outs with the people who I care about the most. And you'd think, if these people were so damn important, I would make more of an effort to salvage things, or to avoid the moment where damage becomes irrevocable and that bridge is burned.

But I don't. Or if I do, it somehow doesn't seem to matter.

Most current applicable situation - my boss. I admired her, wanted to be like her, saw her as the logical, cynical, liberal, Bay Area successful mom that I never had, considered her a friend, spent a full hour of my engagement party drinking with her, and thought we were a team. Somehow, a few mis-steps later, we're not even talking, I am leaving the company post-haste, and she spends her time looking for reasons to fire me. It's now a race against time. Will I leave, or will I be escorted out?

How did this happen? In spite of a Liberal Arts education, several classes in Psychology, living examples of what NOT to do, and a decent brain on my shoulders, I have no clue.

Business - A Practical Study of Psychology, Gender Roles, Risk, and Pathology

I wish when I was young someone had told me something about Business. To me, an artsy wanna-be intellectual type, Business was this unexplainable concept floating out in space that my mother encouraged me to succeed in - without giving me any indication of what Business actually was. To me, Business was boring, it was bleak, it was expected.

I assumed for years that all Business People did the same things - wore suits, sat in a desk, did something with numbers, and used annoying Business terms like "paradigm shift," "interfacing" and "synergy."

Little did I know that Business was actually a practical application of design, debate, writing, the art of schmooze, and a study of interpersonal relationships. As such, I am not surprised that I absolutely love it.

I imagine that for some people, a lot of this stuff doesn't come very naturally (especially the politics and persuasion aspects) and I wonder why we're not taught real business skills in school. If school is supposed to prepare you for the real world - and the world of work - then there are some subjects that need to be added to your required list. Here are just a few of my suggestions:

- - Using Microsoft Outlook (and not cc:ing your entire company on personal emails)
- - Providing constructive criticism (and taking it!)
- - Conflict management
- - Getting your way without looking like a bitch
- - Feigning compliance with obnoxious policies
- - Holding your alcohol in a business setting
- - "Office Flirting" while avoiding sexual harassment suits

Are there any others?

I'm Baaaaaaack - and More EMO than Ever Before

So – after taking a year off of “blogging” (as if two posts from last year really count as blogging) to find my voice, I am in the same exact place I was when I began – stoned and voiceless. I have too many thoughts rushing through my head to choose a path, and an unparalleled inconsistency in my motivation. I suppose I can say I am much less stoned than I was a year ago, now that I am a contributing member of society. Other than that . . . not much has changed.

A multitude of crappy, boring writers have joined the ranks of bloggers to congest the Internet with their earnest, misspelled ramblings, so I figure I should try my hand again – at least I've got a basic understanding of grammar working in my favor.

2010 is going to be a year of discovery. I am finally 25 – an age that carries weight, respect, gravitas, etc… with absolutely no one – but I feel different than I did before. Maybe this is because my upstairs roommate is 80, but I have recently begun to notice that life is ticking by, and all that waits in the end are your own questionable odors, dead lovers and friends, orthopedic shoes, a constant need to putter aimlessly, saggy boobs, loss of social skills and street smarts – oh – and death.

Seeing the end of the road makes a person feel that they better seize the day while they fucking can.

Whatever the cause, I have recently developed a sense of urgency about figuring out the point of my existence, and I am ready to get down to business. Finding some answers, discovering what life is all about, and all that noise.

This blog is mostly for me (sorry to disappoint) but it’s also for all the people out there who realize that even if there are no answers to the questions we ask, we can’t stop asking them. For all the people who find ambiguity necessary and terrifying. For all the people who are bogged down by their constant need to make connections between the seemingly random events in life. For all the people who subscribe to the theory that if you can just experience enough, the missing puzzle piece will appear and the whole universe will make sense. For people who live for adventure, and who have a craving to know more.

This is what my ramblings are devoted to. So long for now, we’ll see where this goes.