The Summer Time Freak Show

And no, I am not referring to the circus.

I am referring to the phenomenon that is - European grandmas at the pool.

I went lap swimming today for the first time this year, which means I also visited the pool's locker room for the first time this year.

I suppose I should lead with the admission that inherently, I am not a huge fan of public nudity. I am also not a fan of the elderly. In this, the pool locker room serves as some awful form of immersion therapy, because if you have ever participated in the 11am lap swim, you would know that it is predominantly filled with people like this:

And this.

And while I am certainly not one to begrudge the elderly their low-impact workout, I don't understand the incessant need of these people to be graphically naked before and after their swim. Amidst bushes that have NEVER seen a clipper, nipples touching belly buttons, asses the size of cars, and thighs that look like tapioca pudding, I was the only person who seemed to have any sense of modesty. I mean, I get there is a momentary need for nudity between the swimsuit and undergarments, but these women have no shame.

Today, I was brutally eye raped. Not only was I faced with the gruesome sight of an overweight octogenarian using a washcloth like toilet paper while her friend used a bathtub scrubber to clean her toes, but an older German woman with mile-long boobs asked to borrow shampoo.

In times like this, all I can say is - Thank God my grandma doesn't swim.

If You're Gonna be a Dick, Learn to Spell

What is the best way to lose an online argument? Misspell common words and use bad grammar.

I can not believe how many people try to get in fights with me (or with others) online, and don't double-check their punctuation, check the caps on their proper nouns, and use the right form of their, there, and they're. Don't these people know that if you're too dumb to write, you're too dumb to win an argument? At least in the eyes of the opposition.

I know not everyone was an English major, and not everyone gives a shit about the rules of the pen, but if someone can dismiss your entire argument with a "well, this person is clearly uneducated" then you're not going to be a very successful douchebag, and should probably do your best to stay out of most intellectual, political, religious, and other arguments online.

Just a suggestion.

It's Not You, It's Them. Really. It's Them.

I am continually surprised by how poorly NBC does in the ratings, when they have some of the best shows on TV. All I can conclude is that there are a lot of idiots out there who don't appreciate a good thing unless it hits them over the head, shoves them into a bag, locks them into a trunk, and drives them into the river. Until then, they'll stick to Fox thanks.

NBC offers the following:

The Office:



30Rock:



Parks and Rec:



Community:



And the cherry on the top -



Conan O'Brien.

How can a line up like this fail?!

It just kills me to see Fox killing NBC week after week when Fox is obviously controlled by special interests during the day, and then offers tired, stereotypical programming that takes little risk in the evening (think American Idol.)

Even people who have been made rich by Fox knows they suck.

I Have Finally Classified My Political Leanings - Time for a Beer

I would call myself fairly politically independent. Yes, I caught Obama-mania and yes I loathe Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, born-agains, and corporate greed along with the rest of fake America, but I also am of the opinion that Ayn Rand is a brilliant thinker, that Conservatives are generally better with money, and that government-run health care could be kinda scary. In that spirit, I watch the Daily Show every morning so I can maintain a level headed cynicism of government, and start the day snarky.

If you don't watch The Daily Show, you should. Jon Stewart is a God. A hot God. I would love to have a conversation with him some day. All we'd do is talk . . . I swear.

This morning I was drinking my coffee, zoning out in front of the tv, and I made a conscious decision to join the Stewart School of Politics. This School is neither liberal nor conservative (at least, not openly) and it embraces rational and analytical thought above all, promising no loyalty to any party. In today's political atmosphere, people are often so polarized that it's impossible to have a non-heated and rational discussion anymore - even with the people you generally agree with. In contrast, Stewart is almost always maddeningly level, promoting logical ideas from either side, and shitting on the hypocrisy of both as well. He considers McCain, Huckabee, and others, as friends and worthy thought-partners in some respects, and his ability to see past party lines allows him encourage bipartisan discussion and (hopefully) understanding.

Below, Stewart mocks Keith Olbermann - a man who, in the fall of 2008 was a political hero of mine, but who has lately seemed just as loony as the crazies on the other side. Olbermann has provided me with the perfect chance to apply the Stewart School of Thought - although he is in the right camp, I can't support someone who spouts off in this manner. Stick to the facts, Sir.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Special Comment - Keith Olbermann's Name-Calling
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

I'm Baaaaaaack - and More EMO than Ever Before

So – after taking a year off of “blogging” (as if two posts from last year really count as blogging) to find my voice, I am in the same exact place I was when I began – stoned and voiceless. I have too many thoughts rushing through my head to choose a path, and an unparalleled inconsistency in my motivation. I suppose I can say I am much less stoned than I was a year ago, now that I am a contributing member of society. Other than that . . . not much has changed.

A multitude of crappy, boring writers have joined the ranks of bloggers to congest the Internet with their earnest, misspelled ramblings, so I figure I should try my hand again – at least I've got a basic understanding of grammar working in my favor.

2010 is going to be a year of discovery. I am finally 25 – an age that carries weight, respect, gravitas, etc… with absolutely no one – but I feel different than I did before. Maybe this is because my upstairs roommate is 80, but I have recently begun to notice that life is ticking by, and all that waits in the end are your own questionable odors, dead lovers and friends, orthopedic shoes, a constant need to putter aimlessly, saggy boobs, loss of social skills and street smarts – oh – and death.

Seeing the end of the road makes a person feel that they better seize the day while they fucking can.

Whatever the cause, I have recently developed a sense of urgency about figuring out the point of my existence, and I am ready to get down to business. Finding some answers, discovering what life is all about, and all that noise.

This blog is mostly for me (sorry to disappoint) but it’s also for all the people out there who realize that even if there are no answers to the questions we ask, we can’t stop asking them. For all the people who find ambiguity necessary and terrifying. For all the people who are bogged down by their constant need to make connections between the seemingly random events in life. For all the people who subscribe to the theory that if you can just experience enough, the missing puzzle piece will appear and the whole universe will make sense. For people who live for adventure, and who have a craving to know more.

This is what my ramblings are devoted to. So long for now, we’ll see where this goes.